Monday, Jan. 26, 2004

Fuck me - it's 2004!

It only seems like November when I was here last, and I see that it was. Fuck me - it's 2004. I know it's pretty fucking obvious to any sane person, but I've been a bit under the weather actually. It all started a few days after that interview with Jade back in November....

Sparky Mulholland and I hooked up with Dave and The Hun for a few drinks in The Circus Tavern after visiting the The Melon Breasted Beast of Essex. Ah, a few drinks - what an unusual expression, and so untrue. Sparky was off to Thailand to shoot a ...ahem...documentary on social conditions in Bangkok, with some dosh that he blagged off Lambeth 'fucking' Council - and God bless him he even signed a receipt for it! The Hun, naturally volunteered to be Sparky's guide. As The Hun could probably give you a guided tour of every under-aged oriface from one side of Bangkok to the other, I hiccuped a suggestion that I should travel with these two perverts to, as I recall saying it, "...to keep you two fucking cradle shaggers off the local population..". Dave wanted to come as well, but as he'd never seen the "Deer Hunter" he was voted out - and anyway, someone had to go back to the office to tell the Guvn'r that I wouldn't be back for a few weeks.

A few fucking months.

I could leave it to your sordid imagnations as to why I took so long to get back, but I shan't. We got arrested. Again I can see images of coke-snorting-child-sex parties forming in your mind, with Sparky dancing around doing a bit of naked direction. Sadly, that wasn't the case, although it did involve Sparky. We'd only just arrived in Bangkok - on the day of some religious festival. Sparky thought it would be a good idea to get two or three minutes of some...ahem...genuine social movie footage before he went off to do his personal Soho Related Project as he called it. So he stuck his camera in the face of some some local guru - who went fucking ape shit! Then suddenly, there were whirling dervishes, or some daft bastards with uniforms and knives, dancing around us - and off we were dragged to the local cop shop.

"My good man," said this little char waller looking chappie, in perfect Oxford English, "It would appear you do not have a licence to film in this region for commercial use."

Fuck. And that was that. Banged up in some Thai fucking prison over Christmas. It made "Midnight Express" look like a holiday video for fucking Butlins! Oh, and the British Consulate spent most of the Yuletide period down the Nana Entertainment Plaza - and were not talking bingo here!

We finally got released for good behaviour - that was thanks to The Hun. I haven't asked what he did - but he seemed to enjoy, although he has been walking oddly since we got back.

Go British! Holiday in Southend and keep away from these fucking awful places across the waters!

It's good to be back - and I still have me job.

Catch you later.

sooner - later